Short of prefacing it with the words “SOME PERSONAL NEWS!!!” bookended by two Big Red Siren emojis, it’s difficult to know how Harry Kane’s lunchtime tweet announcing his non-departure from Tottenham Hotspur could scarcely have been more #awks.
At 12.45pm, the Tottenham striker, or at least the person responsible for running his social media accounts, posted a tweet that began by lavishing praise upon fans Kane and his representatives have treated with thinly disguised contempt in recent months and ended with the revelation that he “will be staying at Tottenham this summer and will be 100% focused on helping the team achieve success”.
Even if 100% focus is quite demonstrably 10% lower than the bare minimum required from footballers, the Fiver can’t help but suspect that Kane and his hapless minions agonised at great length over the the exact wording of the dispatch, making sure to convey the impression the decision to stay might have been his even though it quite obviously wasn’t.
Such fastidiousness comes in stark contrast to the manner in which they don’t seem to have agonised in any way whatsoever over the wording of the six-year contract that ultimately led to them having to send today’s social media equivalent of a white hankie tied to the end of a raised stick being waved from a frontline trench.
Having rumbled on all summer, English football’s most high profile and tedious transfer saga has finally reached its conclusion … for now, even if Kane appears to be holding out some hope of it sparking back into life in January, a highly unlikely Manchester City goal drought permitting. Having evidently decided they were not prepared to meet Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy’s £150m valuation of the player, City’s overlords have now left Kane in the slightly awkward position of being stuck at a club he has publicly declared to be more or less beneath a player who wants “to be playing in the biggest games, the biggest moments”.
What with football fans being a fairly fickle bunch, Spurs supporters are unlikely to stay mad at their star striker for long and will instead find some way of apportioning blame for Kane having his head turned to a combination of malign forces at City and a typically anti-Spurs media. And having made no secret of his desire to chase the kind of honours that have thus far eluded him at his current club, Harry can at least comfort himself with the fact that with just one tweet he has single-handedly helped them to “win” the summer transfer window.